The T-Strap Nightmare

So this season's hottest trend seems to be the t-strap sandal. It's a lovely shoe which makes your feet look long, slender, and sexy (with the appropriate pedi, of course). But, since there are clearly BLIND designers creating some horrendous versions of the t-strap, there are a few things to keep in mind:

My eyes! MY EYES!

Dear God, what the hell is this? The words "layered fringe" should never EVER be used to describe a shoe. Got it? Good. Now step away from the Cleopatra shoe people. One of the Web sites offering this monstrosity indicated that "Gift Wrapping Not Available" for this item. Well of course not. Who the hell in their right mind would buy this as a gift for someone? Maybe if you hated the person, but even then, wouldn't you just hate them even more for owning these? Cuz you know the bitch is stupid enough to wear them, right?

Moving right along...

<---- THIS + THIS --->

= TOTAL BADASS

Strap these puppies on and take your Doberpuppy for a walk and ZZ Top will surely write a song about you. Score!

If you really want to do the t-strap justice, choose one that has class with enough bling to keep 'em looking. Behold:

A simple sandal with jewels bedazzling the t-strap. Just the way God intended.

So, just stay away from the chunky and...I can't believe I have to say it...fringed t-straps and you should be good to go!

Take off shopping, you hosers!